Job No. 30 - Internal Sales Support

Today I decided to explore the murky, barely-legal, world of Internal Sales…

Many people like to think that internal sales are little more than an urban myth, are quick to scoff at the idea of internal organs being bartered for and assume that we would only see such practises in countries like China – but they are blinded to the truth. You see, I have today found that there are scores of internal sales positions offered all over the country…

I decided to turn down the position of Internal Sales Advisor with BSC Recruitment as the job sounded a little too gory since their client specialised in the ‘supply of niche products to the chemical and power industries’. I can only surmise that working in the heart of a nuclear power station can overtax the odd bowel or two – leading to the need for surreptitious replacements…

So, moving away from the idea of handling people’s organs, I instead found a position in a similar area that seemed promising – Internal Sales Support for a company called Economatics. This seemed considerably less grisly – from their job advert it appeared that I wouldn’t be involved in supplying harvested organs but, instead, would be dealing in cyborg replacement parts:

“Economatics is the leading name in the supply and installation of Compressed Air Equipment, Pneumatic Control and Filtration Products”

This seems to me a particularly comprehensive set of internal items and I think it is truly remarkable what can now be achieved with the help of modern science. However, I must confess, that while I can imagine one or two uses for filtration products (and, one particular use for pneumatic controls stands out) I am hard pressed to understand how Economatics have managed to utilise compressed air equipment inside the human body. It was a matter, surely, to be discussed in my application letter:

Dear Kathy

I am writing in order to apply for the position of Internal Sales Support, as advertised on the Monster recruitment website and have enclosed my CV for your consideration.

Although I don’t have previous sales experience, I am highly enthusiastic, have a good technical knowledge, both mechanical and anatomical, and believe I could be an excellent addition to your team. I am a quick learner and would be intrigued to know, in particular, how you utilise compressed air technology.

Regards

Oliver.

I have a good feeling about this one, despite my lack of sales experience. So, the next time you ring up in urgent need of a mechanical internal organ, you might just find me at the other end of the telephone line, waiting to support you....