Job No. 42 - Anti-Social Behaviour Co-ordinator

Today was one of those days when I found two exciting jobs (both of them on the Daily Telegraph jobs pages) and then proceeded to mentally struggle all afternoon over which of the jobs to actually apply for. Now, the sensible thing to do in such situations would surely be to apply for one of the exciting jobs today, leaving a second exciting job to be applied for tomorrow. But, since I'm not very sensible, I instead wrestled gainfully with the decision...

The first job sounded like it would allow me to replay some of the more enjoyable moments of my childhood as I would be employed as a Lunch Time Play Manager - where the job advert invited me to "come and hop, skip and jump!"

I envisioned being able to organise games of conkers, to be the one who counts in a game of hide-and-seek, picking the sides in a game of football, being 'it' in a game of tig - but just as I was about to put pen to paper on my application letter I realised that my picture of childhood seemed to have been taken straight from an Enid Blyton novel and that today's Lunch Time Play Manager was more likely on hand to sort out PIN-code locked mobile phones, fix iPods and handing out condoms. It didn't seem quite so romantic then...

So, instead, I decided to apply for a job that promised to be exciting, challenging and guaranteed to make me extremely unpopular with a large swathe of Leicestershire - Anti-Social Behaviour Co-ordinator. I would be working for North West Leicester District Council where I would be part of a team that was intended to "enable, influence and direct local agendas/activities."

I have to assume that the vast majority of anti-social behaviour in North West Leicester is rather uncoordinated; a gang of youths smashing a couple of windows here, a display of public lewdness there; and, consequently, the council are rather ashamed of how poorly they are performing in this particular area in comparison to other districts in the UK such as Moss Side and Lambeth. With this appointment, it is clear that the council hopes to not only find ways to develop the potential of local anti-social behaviour but also wishes to document these changes - since one of the primary responsibilities is to "maintain accurate records in a thorough and organised manner."

I'm sure that, with decent co-ordination, the level of anti-social behaviour could be suitably increased while also enhancing effectiveness. I would suggest using mobile phone and PC technology to ensure that all forms of anti-social behaviour are properly managed - for example, sending SMS messages in order to let people know that we are beginning a drive to increase levels of public drunkenness, or using emails to inform people on more practical subjects such as how best to organise illegal raves. In my application's supporting statement I made sure they knew I had lots of ideas on the subject:

I believe I could help North West Leicester District Council achieve their targets with anti-social behaviour. I believe that with proper co-ordination, it would be possible to take the performance of the Council to a level that would put it on par with the very best in the country. I also feel communication lies at the very heart of tackling current problems and that, if we work to deal with this we can improve matters considerably. In addition, information is key - we need to disseminate information to the public so they are properly equipped and motivated in this area.

Hopefully, my commitment to success will be rewarded and I will be co-ordinating acts of wanton vandalism in the very near future...