Job No. 45 - Head of Medical Affairs

I began today thinking that it would be quite nice to apply to MI6 (or SIS as it seems to prefer being called these days) as a secret agent - after all, quite a few people have suggested it over the past couple of weeks (perhaps thinking, after having seen me doing my James Bond impression, that I look suitably dashing). However, my agenting dreams were firmly dashed when I read on the SIS recruitment website that you aren't allowed to discuss your application with anyone - which would rather limit my ability to write much about the process....

So, instead, I turned my attention to a position that requires similar levels of discretion and secrecy - Head of Medical Affairs...

Now, I've watched enough episodes of ER and Nip/Tuck to know that the Doctors and Nurses spend far more time checking each other's vitals than they ever do looking after the patients so it comes as little surprise to me that it is necessary to employ a member of staff purely to manage these complex relationships.

It is, I'm certain, likely to be an arduous role - making sure I'm there to answer the phone for Doctor Jones and tell his wife he can't come the phone because he's hard at it in the operating room; or steering Doctor Smith's boyfriend down a corridor to make sure he doesn't walk in on her while she's giving one of the interns a thorough physical examination - but I'm sure I'll still be able to get on top of everything...

I also noted in the job description a requirement to be an expert in infectious diseases - I mean really! You'd think Doctors would know better, wouldn't you? But it seems that even they sometimes forget to practise what they preach...

My application letter highlighted my discretionary values:

Dear Sir/Madam

I wish to apply for the position of Head of Medical Affairs, as advertised on Monster.com, and have attached a recent CV for your consideration.

I am very much aware of how important this role is in the smooth running of your company and I would hope that I could provide not only clear management but also assist in developing relationships across the board. I have excellent interpersonal skills and would be keen to demonstrate my sensitivity to the issues, while showing that I can tackle any problems that may arise during the course of my duties.

Regards

Oliver.

And while I look forward to dealing with the assortment of delicate issues that will present themselves during the course of my duties, I decided that I would draw the line at a similar position that was advertised on the same recruitment site...

Somehow I think Mortuary Affairs Supervisor would be an altogether less pleasant assignment...