Job No. 46 - Research Director

Today, I decided to embark upon another foray into the world of Higher Education after seeing an advertisement for a role that I was surely well equipped to handle. After all, having recently been considered both as a Graduate Assistant to Stephen Hawking and Deputy Director of NASA's Exploration of the Universe Division, I thought I may well have just what it takes to be appointed as Research Director of the Institute for Quantum Science and Engineering at Harvard University in the USA...

Harvard is, by all accounts, just about the finest University in the world (at least, according the Times World University Rankings) and has seen a fair few recognisable alumni (Theodore Roosevelt, John F Kennedy and T.S Eliot to name but three) since it opened in 1636. But, more importantly, the salary is between $100,000 and $170,000 - and I'm quite prepared to direct just about any kind of research you want for that sort of money...

The job advert requested a 'broad scientific background', which is obviously something I can definitely boast having studied not one, not two but three different sciences. Admittedly, my scientific research in the fields of Physics, Biology and Chemistry was carried out between the ages of 11 and 14 and involved topics such as the reproductive cycle of the frog, making people's hair stand on end using a Van De Graaf generator and learning the best method of setting fire to your chemistry partner's pencil case with a bunsen burner...

I ignored the bit about needing a PhD in Physics (since I'm sure a bit of paper will not make a huge difference to my chances) and decided to focus on the requirement for excellent written communication skills - which I decided was surely something that I could demonstrate during the course of my covering letter:

Dear Sir/Madam

I wish to apply for the position of Research Director of the Institute for Quantum Science and Engineering and have included my CV for your consideration.

I have an extremely broad knowledge of science and am interested in a wide range of subjects, with my personal interests running the gamut from reproductive science, to the mechanics of electrostatic physics, to the practical applications of thermodynamic chemistry. Science is a subject whose subject matter is, to all extents, limitless and consequently even though I have many years of experience I still feel there is always more for me to learn.

I possess excellent written and verbal communication skills, have experience of both team and fund management and believe I could assist Harvard attain new levels of success in the fields of Quantum Science and Engineering.

In addition, I was recently considered for both an important position with Stephen Hawking's Relativity Group and a senior NASA position.

Regards

Oliver Davies.

I am sure Harvard will be impressed by my scientific pedigree and my cunning (and very subtle) name dropping at the end of my covering letter are certain to secure me extra brownie points (and a swift reply and interview request)...