Job No. 50 - Warehouse Wizard

Today marks the halfway point in my (almost epic) quest to apply for 100 unsuitable jobs...

Having applied for fifty jobs, it now feels like I've at last begun to make some significant progress - that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting a little bit closer - so I chose to celebrate with a couple of Tesco's finest pecan pies (which I can heartily recommend) and a cup of tea before promising myself that tomorrow would definitely mark the beginning of my all-new health and fitness regime...

I found today's job while taking a stroll through Craigs List - more specifically, the Los Angeles version of the list - and my interest was immediately piqued at the prospect of becoming a Warehouse Wizard.

At first, I must admit, I was a little wary - I've seen quite enough Paul Daniels and David Blaine TV shows to last me a lifetime and the thought of having to pull rabbits out of hats or conjure coloured ribbons from thin air for the entertainment of my warehouse colleagues left me almost entirely uninspired. But, just as I was beginning to doubt whether this was the right vacancy for me, I read further into the job description and found that the applicant needed to be:

"Not afraid to pick up a broom and chip in where needed"

This was wonderful news! Instantly my impression of the vacancy changed - no longer did I have the image of myself trying my best to impersonate David Copperfield; instead I could see that this position was more focused on true paranormal abilities. Like a warehouse-bound Harry Potter, I would be expected to levitate crates, magically wrap parcels and perhaps ensure that the post owls are well fed and groomed...

My previous experience of warehouse work had been as a teenager when I worked part-time for B&Q - but my main memories of this time seem to be of hiding in the warehouse to avoid having to answer tannoy calls to mix paint, sunbathing outside when the boss was away and driving the forklift truck (despite having no license). But, despite this extensive warehouse experience, my knowledge of magic is severely limited - I'm hoping that this is an area where training can perhaps be given on-site? I decided to find out some more during the course of my application letter:

Dear Carly

I would like to apply for the position of Warehouse Wizard, as advertised on the Craig's List website and have attached a copy of my resume and references with this email. I was also hoping that you could clarify a couple of aspects of the job...

Although I have extensive warehouse experience, I think that it is possible that I would need some training on-site in order to fully adapt to your requirements. That being said, I am an extremely quick learner and I'm sure that - given decent tuition - I could soon be carrying out all your wishes.

I noted that the applicant needs to not be afraid to pick up a broom and chip in - well, I'm certainly not afraid to chip in! I'm always interested to get involved and help out; the only slight fear I have is vertigo but as long as I wasn't required to operate at too great a height, I'm sure this wouldn't be a problem.

I trust you will give my application serious consideration and look forward to hearing from you soon...

Regards

Oliver.

And so, I now intend to go and reread all of the Harry Potter books (even the last two that I found not quite so interesting) so that, by the time they call me in for an interview, I am fully conversant on the more topical issues in modern sorcery...