Job No. 60 - Sales Eagle

Today, things took a tern firmly in the avian direction when I found myself a particularly exciting bird-related vacancy on Career Builder...

It is said that the dream of being able to fly like a bird is one of the most popular fantasies during childhood (I can certainly remember my failed attempts at leaping from the sofa, flapping my arms as fast I could - my mother encouraged me to try jumping from the roof instead) and so today's job would give me the opportunity to revisit those times (although hopefully without the fractured limbs and traction this time) as I would be employed as a Sales Eagle by a major electronics firm in Massachusetts...

Due to a combination of market forces and taxation pressures relating to climate change, it has become increasingly economically challenging for companies to employ mobile sales staff - the income they generate from sales often barely offsets the costs of keeping them on the road - and so more and more companies are looking for ways to reduce expenditure while maintaining client connections. Thus, this particular company have hit upon the brilliant idea of creating a sales force composed entirely of birds of prey...

Not only can the average Eagle cover more one hundred miles in a day under their own power, but also they can scavenge their own food and thus cut down on lunching expenses. By my calculations, the average sales company could reduce its bills by more than 60% if they adopted an avian workforce. Admittedly, even the most highly trained Eagle has a vocabulary of less than 15 words - but, I'm sure clients will respond well to the increased complexity of conversation that will now be available...

In the job description it said that "the ideal candidate will be a hunter motivated by success" - and, despite not being an Eagle myself, I was sure I could demonstrate the proper motivation. Thus, I hoped the company would give me a chance (in the spirit of equal opportunities) to join their convocation (honestly, a group of eagles is known as a convocation of eagles!). Recent technological advances in military equipment for Special Forces - in particular the Batwing - give me hope that I can deal with my most serious deficiency. In my application letter I gave some thoughts on how I could overcome the obvious physiological failings:

Dear Sir/Madam

I wish to apply for the position of Sales Eagle and have enclosed a recent CV for your consideration.

I believe that, given the opportunity, I could demonstrate myself to be a worthwhile member of your high-flying sales force. I possess excellent vision for sales targets and believe I can help your sales soar.

Obviously, there are certain physiological characteristics that you are looking for - and you may have imagined a specific Accipitridae, so to speak, for the role - but I am totally willing to do my utmost to fit in. I believe that there is a role for technology to assist the sales process and have done extensive research into cutting edge hardware that could help me fulfil all the demands of the position.

Regards

Oliver.

Well, I don't want to crow about it too much but I'm pretty certain that I'm in with a good shot at this one and could soon by winging my way to Massachusetts to join their elite sales forces...