Job No. 73 - Head of Service

One of the great mysteries in science is a huge gravitational anomaly that lies in the direction of the Hydra and Centaurus constellations; scientists are unsure exactly what it is but it seems to be pulling vast swathes of the known Universe towards it - they've nicknamed it The Great Attractor.

In much the same way, tonight I found that my job seeking efforts were pulled inexplicably towards Lincolnshire. I'm not sure whether (like one of the theories about the cause of The Great Attractor) it could have been dark matter or whether it was just simply a cosmic coincidence but, either way, I had a hard time deciding between tonight's two vacancies...

The position of Head of Service - Provision Planning for Lincolnshire County Council sounded quite tempting; working with Children's Services I'd get to be in charge of provisions - which I hoped would be organising food for picnics rather than deciding the content of school dinners, which frankly is not a fun job - you end up with irate Jamie Oliver on one side, telling you to make the dinners healthy, and irate parents on the other side telling you to give them chips (or, failing that, simply shoving them through the school bars).

However, I found a second Head of Service position with Lincolnshire County Council that held even more interest for me - Head of Service - Strengthening Families Services.

As an occasional gym goer (usually when my willpower wins out over my common sense) and a keen amateur nutritionist, I feel that I am well placed to offer families tips on bodybuilding and weightlifting. Obviously Lincolnshire County Council is hoping to combat the rising threat of morbid obesity by funding a programme designed to boost the physical fitness of the inhabitants of Lincolnshire...

The old methods of just telling people to exercise are now out-of-date but I have a raft of new and innovative ideas - from the installation of televisions that are powered by exercise bikes (you want to watch Eastenders? You've got to pedal for it!) through to the complimentary dispensation of anabolic steroids and boosting community spirits by engaging neighbours in tug-of-war matches across the garden fence. I made sure I detailed this in my application statement when asked what I would bring to the role:

I believe that I could bring a great many innovative ideas to this position in order to help the Council achieve its targets. The standard intervention model is really a thing of the past and I feel that new approaches need to be taken to meet the goals of the program. I think that rewarded development can be part of the solution, as can external inputs, although to truly engage with families we need to develop links between communities - which will serve to both foster relationships and strengthen families.

I'm fairly confident about this one - I'm preparing some exercise plans even as we speak so I'll be ready to impress them with my gym session ideas at the interview...