Job No. 78 - Director of Events

Well, it's been quite a busy time lately - I had to get all the coursework in for the taught section of my Masters finished off (which involved plenty of late nights) and I've now moved onto the Masters Project (which, while less stressful than the coursework, is still taking up most of my time). Ok, I admit, I'm making vague excuses for why it's taken me so long to get around to writing another job application...

Although, in my defence (and offering a further excuse) I would have managed to write this application earlier if my car hadn't decided to die a death today. Something involving tappets and worn cam shafts I believe - and none of it any good! So, if anyone would like to donate a new engine - or indeed a new car - to a struggling writer then please get in touch! :-)

Anyway, enough waffling about me...this morning, while meandering amongst the Guardian Jobs page (a perennial favourite) I happened upon the following position - European Healthy Stadia Project Manager.

The problem of ill stadiums has been largely ignored by the medical profession but, with the Olympics coming up on us fast, it's obvious that they're trying to act before it is too late. I mean, just imagine if you had to cancel a major event because Wembley Stadium had contracted a case of the chickenpox?

However, as tempting a job as this was, I soon stumbled across something bigger, something more exciting - something which was surely a much better fit with my particular skillset. So, today, I have applied to be the Director of Events at the Royal Albert Hall.

Being a very cultural sort, I felt this was right up my street as it served to couple my inventive nature with my keen understanding of how to entertain the cultural elite. The job description called for "the creativity to identify and develop opportunities for new programming ideas."

I was determined that my application should give me a place to express some of my highly innovative and creative ideas by suggesting some opportunities that they had perhaps, hitherto, overlooked.

Obviously, the Royal Albert Hall is synonymous with classical music, opera and ballet but I felt if it was to appeal to the common man it needed to find some events that were less elitist and which offered great inclusion and accessibility. Hence, for starters, I have proposed Celebrity Mud Wrestling, Opera Karaoke (with a pitcher of beer and free curry thrown in for the price) and spicing things up a bit by luring the Adult Video News awards away from Las Vegas...

I'm certain that when they read my glittering and bold vision, they'll soon be whisking me down to London to start planning their event calendar...