Job No. 90 - Catastrophe Modeler Manager

Unsuitable job applications occasionally feel like buses in the UK; you wait around for ages to catch sight of one, then two turn up at the same time...

And, while most days I have no problems in sorting the wheat from the chaff and deciding which job is for me (and which gets consigned to a brief mention in the intro), today was one of those days in which I was forced, much like Solomon, to make a nearly impossible decision.

I mean, how does one choose between a Cloud Architect and a Catastrophe Modeler Manager?

On the one hand, being a Cloud Architect would give me the freedom to really let loose my artistic sensibilities; on the other, being a Catastrophe Modeler would allow me to relive all those childhood lego-based memories (and be paid for it...).

Decisions, decisions.

But, in giving it more thought, I decided that Cloud Architect was probably not for me. Not only am I less than fond of heights (which I assume are a given in this line of work) but clouds are such temporary things - imagine fashioning a cloud to resemble the Taj Mahal, only to watch the wind drift and twist it into a caricature of Ricky Gervais before anyone else got a chance to appreciate it?

So, with my decision made, I turned instead to the heady world of catastrophe modelling...

Now, while I am certain that in this modern day and age people do most of their catastrophe modelling on computers, I wanted to impress Pryor Associates and show them that I could also, as they say, kick it old skool. Thus, despite feeling a little under the weather, I decided to put together a showcase of my catastrophe modelling capabilities...

Step 1. I needed somewhere for your catastrophe to happen. So, armed only with a pizza box, a pair of scissors and a plentiful supply of sellotape I set to work. Some time later, the following miniature metropolitan modelling masterpiece was installed in the middle of the living room:

Step 2. I needed a catastrophe.

I considered simulating a tornado, but decided it was far too clichéd. A towering inferno was tempting, but I was worried it might get out of hand on a wooden floor and turn from a modelled into a fully blown catastrophe. Tsunami ruled out for similar reasons (besides, who has ever heard of a tsunami striking in these conditions?). No, if I was to impress with my catastrophe it needed to be something different. Something unique. Something that would make it impossible not to hire me...

Thus inspired by Gojira no Gyakushū, I brought forth the following (near feature film quality) production:

With such a strong calling card, I felt this job was already in the bag so I drafted a brief covering letter:

Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing to apply for the position of Catastrophe Modeling Manager, as advertised on Monster.com

Although I am not directly experienced in Catastrophe Modelling, I have a keen interest in the area and - as well as being familiar with current technologies - am fully versed in the work of greats such as Ray Harryhausen. I feel that given opportunity I can deliver the modelling you need...

Regards

Oliver.

Now I just have to sit back and wait. It will, quite frankly, be a disaster if I don't get this...