Eurovision 2010 - The Morning After...

In comparison to last year, Eurovision 2010 started quite slowly...

After all, the fact that the hosts didn't try and sing and generally did their best to minimise the 'fake improvisation', meant that rules 2, 3 and 4 were only rarely touched upon. Throw in the fact that hardly anyone in the room mentioned Terry Wogan and the, frankly conspicuous, absence of Pete Waterman being mentioned and I was concerned the drinking may not be able to fully get going...

My theory, by the way, on Pete Waterman is that he realised what a turgid, mid-1980s song - perhaps taken from a selection turned down by Rick Astley in his heyday for being too cheesy - he had delivered and, like a used car trader selling you an utter lemon, decided to leg it before anyone else realised what they had taken delivery of...

However, with a range of songs that borrowed from previous entries, a selection of moustaches and leather clothing (not to mention Serbia's entry which clearly fell foul of rule 8), my early concerns were soon replaced by a realisation that if the judging was as ethnically, geographically and/or politically biased as last year (thus tripping the dreaded rule 20) then I may have to drink even more alcohol than I had imagined...

And then, it happened.

The judging. And suddenly, all my concerns about rule 20, paled into insignificance as the sleeping threat of rule 19 revealed itself. No one was voting for the UK. No one. Round after round of juries voted and not one of the buggers gave even a single point to Josh (who I actually felt quite sorry for - he ended up being given a turkey of a song and his backing had the production value of a primary school nativity play). Cue a chorus of "Royaume-Uni? Nil point!" - cue another sip of vodka (aquavit all long gone by this stage). Cue an impossible to catch slide into drunken oblivion...

Definitely some rules changes coming for next year's inevitable revision (you'll just have to wait and see). Hope everyone who played enjoyed themselves and I sincerely apologise for the current pain you may be experiencing...