For reasons known only to myself, I decided to bite off more than I could chew today. Today's challenge was to write something 'in the style of' and I was planning on doing another Iain M Banks pastiche but then decided I needed to push myself harder (why did I think that? I have no idea!) and so hit upon the idea of trying to combine the styles of two of my favourite writers - Iain M Banks and Elmore Leonard. Which was a really stupid idea. Well, a great idea but not necessarily one I can execute to the standard I'd like. And I compounded my stupidity by sticking doggedly to this idea, even when I had a crazily busy day and couldn't start writing until after 9pm. But, I finished it and it tips the scales at exactly 300 words. And it's not awful. Just I feel with more time and energy I could do it much better...
In the style of...
The VFP If It Ain’t Broke Let’s Break It had hung dark in the asteroid field for three days now. The Kelprian was getting twitchy and the drone was beginning to regret having brought him along.
“I did tell you we might end up being out here a while,” the drone said.
“I know,” said the Kelprian without looking up from oiling his gun. “I just thought you were exaggerating.”
“We might be here for ten days, is what I said.”
“Might being the key word.”
“That tends to be how I choose to deal with the relative uncertainty of the future.”
“You know what your problem is?” asked the Kelprian with a frown.
“I’ve no doubt you're about to enlighten me…”
“You think you’re the smartest guy in the room.”
“Well,” sighed the drone, flashing purple regret, “that’s because I usually am.”
“And yet I’m the one with the gun.”
“Wait,” said the drone, now gunmetal grey in puzzlement. “Was that supposed to be a threat?”
“Take it any way you want it. I’m just stating facts.”
“You do realise I’m packing enough ordinance to take down a small planet, don’t you?”
“So you say.”
“So I say?” spluttered the drone, “So I…say?”
The ship’s Mind chimed into the conversation, “Gentlemen, if the pair of you could stop swinging your dicks for a few moments.”
“We Kelprian don’t have dicks.”
“And, as you may have noticed,” said the drone dryly, “I’m a drone. So also dickless.”
“Well look at that,” hummed the Mind, “Consensus has been reached. Which is good because in five minutes we’re going to commence a chain brake into the inner system. Three second window for displacement. Are we both clear on the mission?”
“Kill-” said the Kelprian.
“-everyone,” completed the drone.
“Bingo,” said the Mind.
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